Walk with Him: The Sacred Pause

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” If you wrote this quote attributed to Victor Frankl as a formula, it would look like this: S( )R. In Buddhism, this space is called the sacred pause.

In 1 Samuel 25, David and his men acted as a protective barrier for the shepherds and flocks of a wealthy man named Nabal. In return for this protection, David sent messengers to Nabal requesting food and water. Nabal rejected the request and insulted David, treating him as a servant. David in an angry response, prepared his men to go and slay Nabal and his people. There was no pause, no consideration of the long-term consequences of this decision. His pride was wounded and he wanted revenge. Fortunately, Abigail, the wife of Nabal was more levelheaded. When she heard of David’s plans, she went to him with generous peace offerings and helped de-escalate his volatile response, reminding him that he was a man of God.

When we practice this sacred pause, allowing ourselves to step out of our autopilot response, we find the freedom to think rationally, listen closely, choose words carefully, and find ways to reconcile with charity. Our pause may include reaching out to an Abigail, a person who calms and reminds us of our divine identity. In due time, with intention and practice, the formula can look like this: S( )R. The bigger the pause, the wiser the response.

“Contention drives away the Spirit–every time. Contention reinforces the false notion that confrontation is the way to resolve differences; but it never is. Contention is a choice. Peacemaking is a choice. You have your agency to choose contention or reconciliation. I urge you to choose to be a peacemaker, now and always.” (President Russell M. Nelson)

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, rev. ed. [1984], 86; emphasis added).